As I began to post this message, I looked at the "Today I Feel.." post. Normally I would update that, accordingly. Not today. That moment made me smile. He's still "all better", and will stay that way forever.

People frequently ask me how the kids are adjusting, so I thought I would give you a little insight straight from the sources. As for me and Monty, I suppose the best way to describe it is that sometimes it really seems like a dream. It’s hard to grasp how someone who once consumed so much of our life and our love has come and gone so quickly. Our family Christmas picture from 2008…I look at that and am reminded that he really was here. It’s confusing to the mind, a feeling I really cannot put into words.

Ethan...God gave me Ethan so I could laugh I am certain. Ethan has been a range of emotions and questions. I really never know what to expect. He is 7. The night Tucker passed, as we and a room full of family sat by his bedside in tears and said our "see you soons", Ethan entered the room. He so sweetly sat down beside Tucker and petted his hair. In true Ethan form, and honest heart felt sincerity he says, "well...I guess we'll just put him in the backyard". As I said, God gave us Ethan so we could laugh. I think it took a few days to settle in, and he started to realize that Tucker wasn't coming back this time. He has moments of quiet thought, and he has moments when he'll say what he misses about Tucker, and he has moments when he'll come out with some off the wall comment that, in his innocence, puts a smile on our faces. Ethan is amazing.

Anna is turning 9 this month, though I would swear she is turning 29. She is older, so she has processed things in a much different way. She too spent time with Tucker and saw his struggles as well as his good days. That Friday night, she held him, she laid beside him in his bed, she hurt. After he left, I had laid him back on his bed. My 8 year old little mama did not think twice, she crawled up beside him and scooped him up into her arms and rocked him and kissed him. She is amazing. She does not hesitate to ask questions, and we do not hesitate to give honest answers. For her, that's what she wants, and that's enough. She patiently answers questions of her friends or anyone who wants to talk about Tucker.

Tonight Anna told me she had written a poem last night when she couldn't sleep. So when you ask me how she is doing, I give you this to read. I did not change a single word, I think she said it all.

" + = 0
Life plus Death Life after death "

(That's an angel on the end..in her own picture)

"God has a plan for life, death, and life after death.

He has a plan for you, He has a plan for me
He has a plan for all of us, can't you see?

God cares, He loves,
He likes all of us.

He has a plan for life, he has a plan for death, and He has a plan for life after death.

Although you might not believe it, it's true.
He has a plan for me and He has a plan for you."